that's just the way it is {perspective}

i have been a blogging machine. this has very much to do with the fact that kennedy doesn't talk back and the apartment gets lonely sometimes. so if you're one of those people that are interested in my ramblings, here's a blog for you. OR you could come over. i'll make you dinner.

perspective is a huge thing for me today. it's amazing how you can change your mind about your situation by looking at it a different way.

here are some things going on this week:
1. i have been struggling with my insecurity (like i told you the other day) like crazy.
2. i got the most beautiful vase of flowers from alex last night.
3. i'm having a hard time trying to adjust to the loneliness of this apartment.
4. a guy i met when i visited utah had a brain tumor removed and i just found out it's stage 4 and there is little hope.
5. gus told me he loved me 49208502 times today.
6. i cried, okay sobbed, in public last night for an hour.
7. i spent 7 hours with 2 of my best friends on saturday and laughed harder than i have in months.
8. i bought a new dress and it doesn't fit.
9. i missed a deadline.
10. my kitchen needs cleaned so bad and i have absolutely no desire to clean it.
11. i went swimming with some friends sunday night and got to relax. it was awesome.
12. i am being stretched a little thin and something's gotta give.
13. i haven't been to the gym all week and i feel awful.
14. i fell a little more in love last night.

it's really hard for me to think 1, 3, 6, 8, 9, 10, 12 or 13 matter when i think about number 4.

i remember when i grew up. it was my senior year of high school. in november, my childhood friend died in a car accident. in april, my sister's friend died of cancer 3 weeks after they found out she had it. nothing quite makes you grow up more than realizing that being young doesn't spare you from heartache, disease, or even death. i remember october 1, 2005. the bw3's near campus had just opened and i went there that night and saw kevin working. i hadn't seen him in a few weeks and i got to talk to him for a few minutes. he was one of those people that everyone felt like they knew. i remember getting ready on october 2, 2005 and bridgett calling me around 8am. kevin was dead. 8 hours after i saw him he was just gone. i remember sitting in my aunt's living room two mays ago and my dad coming in and telling us that david was gone. just like that. 27 years old. gone.

life just isn't fair.

and hearing and knowing about other people hurting and struggling and losing makes me feel dumb that my biggest problems are that a dress doesn't fit or my kitchen is dirty. but there's something about hearing and knowing all of those stories that make saturdays with my best friends, being told that you're loved by a 1 year old, and falling in love even sweeter.

perspective.

so tonight i will sit at this desk and work without complaining. i will send prayers and thoughts to utah. i will forget about my deadlines and the gym. and i'll change the water in my flowers because tonight, they're enough to make everything okay.