awesome. now we both know what i'm about to talk about.
it has been two years since i decided to change my life. hardest & best two years of my life.
the first year was mostly about change. this year has been mostly about adjustment & opportunity.
things that have happened since january 14, 2011:
i moved to landen.
i opened up the studio.
i went from a "photographer who does weddings" to a "wedding photographer". {totally different}
i went to LU for the first time since i graduated.
i visited jon in utah and alexandra in florida.
i became friends with people i've admired professionally for years and established myself among them.
i went from sometimes attending origins to plugging into a small group, being in the band every other week, and something else i'll touch on in a minute. :)
i finally got some tattoos. eek!
and obviously a lot more. those are my highlights. oh, and i'm sure you're thinking, "but how much more weight have you lost?" we'll get to that.
2011 in many ways was the best year of my life. moving to my little apartment with kennedy - no roommates - no family - has taught me so much. for instance, i really like living alone. but i really hate being alone. so obvi, the next apartment will be solo...but very close to people i love. :) i had a good deal of heartache this year. and there were times i sat in that apartment crying for hours. literally. when i couldn't rely on someone to distract me. i had to truly deal with my pain instead of locking it away like i've always done. that was terrible. and the best thing for me. i see that now. the time i've had to spend alone this year has been something i hated...and now am grateful for.
professionally, i couldn't have asked for a better year. the business grew and it grew the best way - word of mouth. i still don't pay for advertising on the websites that bring me the most business {and oh, how they call so that i will). in late 2010, i got overwhelmed and remember telling a friend, "ok fine. i'll do the weddings i've booked. but i'm not booking any more." and it was like God heard that and laughed at me because it was mere weeks after i said that when the weddings started pouring in. and they haven't stopped. i don't say that to brag. i am humbled by this opportunity to do what i love and am good at. to say both of those is rare, i know.
all of the good that has come this year, professionally and personally, i truly believe has come because of that decision i made on january 14, 2010. what does losing weight have to do with all of this?? everything.
i told you guys that i lost 114 pounds that first year. i truly think telling you that was more difficult for me than actually losing the weight! :) pride has always been a stumbling block for me. not being prideful in the cocky, holier-than-thou way but my pride has always hit in the form of a hard heart, a inclination to be funny instead of vulnerable, a decision to keep people away instead of letting them in. and when i started my journey to change physically, change emotionally, mentally, and spiritually came along for the ride whether i wanted it to or not.
year two has dealt with adjusting to those changes mostly in the demon commonly known as insecurity. this physical change brought every insecurity {that i didn't even know i had} to the surface and 2011 was a battle against those. but i won. well, correction, am winning. i'm not too sure when this battle will go away but i'll fight it to the death, believe that.
losing 114 pounds in a year just with hard work and wise choices was hard. i knew year two would produce less "astonishing" numbers and i was okay with that. i'm not in any rush. i just like getting healthier. my emotions got the best of me for a few months and i gained some weight back. that was difficult. but in year two, i lost 43 more pounds making the total 157 pounds {and again, my heart is racing telling you guys that}. still a ways to go, but i've got this. i've got this.
i know it's not january 14th. but i couldn't write this to you guys then because of that thing i mentioned earlier about origins. i leave on the 14th for Peru. we're going down there for a week to meet needs, share the gospel, and love on the Peruvian people. the fact that i am leaving to do this on the 2 year 'anniversary' of my life change is no coincidence. i can tell you with completely certainty, that i would have never done something like this before. that girl before was scared and apathetic. this one is free.
the two tattoos i got this year pretty much sum up this journey i'm on. i got tikvah - which is hebrew for 'hope' on my foot. hope is everything to me. hope is what gets me up in the morning, it's what let's me sleep well at night. romans 5:2-4 - through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. more than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance and endurance produces character and character produces hope. <-- that is the desire of my heart.
the second tattoo i got is on my wrist so i can see it every day. it says kitpivos. people that don't really know me look so confused when i tell them what it means. anyone that does know me just smiles when i tell them. regardless of what this life brings to me, what mistakes i make, what opportunities i have or opportunities i miss, what goals i reach or which ones i fall short on, what progress i make or the times i stand still - i will forever look at my wrist and be reminded that this life is so yellow.
i so deeply appreciate all of the love and support i've been given the last 2 years. it is a humbling process. and one that i wouldn't take back. and so here's to year 3. i won't write a blog at the end of this one detailing my progress and successes - this is life now. a constant process of change and health - physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. at 26 years old, i am starting life over again because i choose to. come along for the ride?
it's going to be a yellow, yellow life.
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