now and later {learning}

{there are times it hurts to learn. and there are times it is incredibly exciting. i've experienced both lately.}

i have several boxes of keepsakes. love notes from high school, ticket stubs to concerts, cards from my parents...you know the stuff. in one of my boxes is one single now and later. you know, the candy. i think it's watermelon. and 12 years later, it's hard as a rock. but it's still there.

i got that now and later from a friend {at the time she was my youth pastor's wife. now she's my pastor's wife} as a reminder that the decisions i make now will affect me later. i'm sure when i was 14 years old that she was trying to inspire me not to drink or have sex or any of the other things teenage girls will no doubt regret when they're older. but when i found that now and later the other day, i wasn't thinking of the consequences later of the decisions now, but the benefits.

i have worked jobs, had relationships, made choices, went through uncomfortable times, etc that maybe were fun, maybe weren't. maybe i worked there to make me appreciate the next job. maybe i went through that to make me stronger for this.

i know that i work a million hours a week now so that i can be successful and work less later.
i know that he was in my life now to show me the kind of love that i want later.
i know that i have to pay for this now to make more later.
i know that i have to continue my life change now so that i'm healthy later.
i know that i am in this not-so-fun self-learning time now so that i can be who i'm supposed to be later.

it is easy to see the downside of the now and later analogy. that if you mess this up now, you'll pay for it later. if you don't try this, you'll regret it later. those are much more obvious results. but thinking about the benefits - it's exciting. it's challenging and inspiring to think of the good that will come from what i do now. i don't want to live in fear of what will happen if i do this, if i don't do that. i want to live expecting good to come and make decisions that will bring good about. i am so encouraged today by the promise of what's to come.

keeping with that thought, can i pause for a second to tell you what i'm most grateful for today? that time and time again, i am spared from the imminent destruction of my own plans. i can't tell you how many times things have not gone my way. thank God for that. not that it doesn't hurt when they don't - it does. not that it doesn't take time for me to come to the realization - it definitely does. but without fail, every time i'm able to look back at something not going my way, i am better off for it. his ways are better than mine.

and it is proved to me time and time again, how it is his plan, his will that will make my life the brightest shade of yellow.

love xx