baby steps {life}

i have 2 blisters on my feet, i can't move my left arm, every time i laugh my abdomen aches, and my right knee is throbbing.

i feel awesome. and i'm not even being sarcastic.

i really feel awesome! if you stalk my facebook, you know that i was cleared by the doctor to start running again this past week. {sidenote: if you don't stalk me, you don't know this. i slipped a disc in my neck, pinched a nerve between my shoulder blades & sprained 4 muscles in my left shoulder. super. fun.} i thought i was going to hate it. it had been so long since i ran! but no. it came back pretty naturally. it helps that it's been gorgeous out this week - fall weather even. so pretty that i overdid it. ran 2 miles my first morning back - that's fine. stayed between 2 and 3 most days. tried to be a hero and did 5 miles on monday. the same day that i fell down the concrete stairs outside of my door. not smart.

today i was cleared to lift weights again - with caution of course. so i did. and then i realized that after 6 weeks of not lifting, my right arm was pretty weak. after 6 weeks of virtually not moving my left arm - there is no strength at all. confession: i definitely just did bicep curls with a 5 pound weight. and my arm was shaking. i haven't used it all. not to brush my hair, not to pick up a glass of water - nothing. it hurt so bad to do the littlest things. and i didn't even realize that the strength was gone.

so now here i am. the desire is back. last year i lived for the gym! this morning i ran 3 miles and tonight i worked out for an hour and ran another 2. i'm not bragging - i'm telling you the desire is there. the ability? not so much. baby steps.

which seems to be the theme of my life this week. baby steps. i'm taking baby steps towards a change in my professional life this week,  i took some baby steps in my personal life, i am taking baby steps in getting healthy again, etc.

i know my personality. when i'm in something, i'm in it. this can be one of my greatest attributes...and this can be my biggest fault. i tend to throw everything into what i'm doing. obviously there have been times this has proven beneficial {when i started my weight loss journey} and times when it hasn't {'what happened' if you'll remember that from a previous blog...ha}.

i really believe God has done some things in recent days to protect my heart from doing just that. scotty said at church 2 weeks ago that "God is preparing you for what He has prepared FOR you". i started crying. imagine that. i feel like that's where i am right now. being prepared. and just like conditioning for sports used to hurt so bad in high school, we had to do that before we started practice. and we had to practice before we could play.

i'm being conditioned. physically, emotionally, professionally, relationally, spiritually. it isn't the most fun. but i am clinging to promise of the future - He's prepared something for me. and right now i'm getting ready for it.

so here's to baby steps. letting go of my control issues and my tendency push too much, too hard.

the sweet thing about conditioning is that there's something to look forward to. it's not too long until you get to play.

xx