banana peppers make everything better {food}

oh my word.

i haven't shared any food info/recipes/etc in a long time. i'm always looking for ways to make my favorite foods healthier and at home. last night i had a craving for pizza. not just any pizza. my FAVORITE pizza.

last year i tried a pizza at adriatico's that about rocked my world. turkey {not turkey sausage or pepperoni, just turkey}, banana peppers, spinach, red sauce. sounded really weird. i got addicted.

so i made a homemade version last night. and here it is. :)

you will need:

like i said, not all that 'natural' like most of the foods i make, but its not terrible. the cheese is natural {most diet food pizzas do NOT use cheese}, everything else is fairly decent. i feel like i'm trying to justify this meal. maybe so. :) just wait.

put a little bit of the pizza sauce on the pita {you really don't need much. the peppers are juicy.} put on the turkey, tear up some baby spinach {forgot a picture of that. you know what it looks like.}, lay on the peppers, and then put the cheese on top. throw it in the toaster oven for a few minutes and voila.

DELICIOUS.

even better?

220 calories, 8 grams of fat, 9 grams of fiber, 28 grams of protein.

you're welcome.

sunday mornings {hope}

I downloaded an app that let's me write this from my phone. let the blogging way too much commence.

I wrote a blog last year on this date. I cried the entire time I wrote it. I'll be crying as I write this I'm sure. {sidenote: I cry. A lot. I think that's been established.}

Hope turns 2 tomorrow. Who's Hope? My niece. Otherwise known as the best thing that ever happened to me. {okay, she happened to my sister but that is a minor detail.}

I look back at those Sunday mornings alone with her in the NICU as some of the most precious moments in my life. {ah, I'm crying. didn't take long.} It seemed like no one was ever in there on Sunday mornings except for me, the nurses, the beeping monitors on all of the babies, and the Psalms. I would read them to Hope while she laid there. The first time I held her was alone there on a Sunday morning. {okay, now it's more like weeping. get it together.}

I can't believe that was 2 years ago. She has brought us so much joy. Just like every other family with a little one, every gathering and holiday is spent just staring at her and laughing at what she's doing. As they should be!

She is an incredible little girl - so full of life and genuinely happy. It doesn't hurt that she's stunning {and I'd say that even if I weren't her aunt}. She's funny and she's smart and she's sweet and when she pats my back as she hugs me, it makes the worst day better.

I realize that she actually belongs to my sister {again, with the details} but who doesn't love their super best friend auntie? I think we'll be friends forever.

So happy 2nd birthday to our joy, our light, our goat, our Hope. We love you, babygirl. Our lives would be so boring without you.

xx

baby steps {life}

i have 2 blisters on my feet, i can't move my left arm, every time i laugh my abdomen aches, and my right knee is throbbing.

i feel awesome. and i'm not even being sarcastic.

i really feel awesome! if you stalk my facebook, you know that i was cleared by the doctor to start running again this past week. {sidenote: if you don't stalk me, you don't know this. i slipped a disc in my neck, pinched a nerve between my shoulder blades & sprained 4 muscles in my left shoulder. super. fun.} i thought i was going to hate it. it had been so long since i ran! but no. it came back pretty naturally. it helps that it's been gorgeous out this week - fall weather even. so pretty that i overdid it. ran 2 miles my first morning back - that's fine. stayed between 2 and 3 most days. tried to be a hero and did 5 miles on monday. the same day that i fell down the concrete stairs outside of my door. not smart.

today i was cleared to lift weights again - with caution of course. so i did. and then i realized that after 6 weeks of not lifting, my right arm was pretty weak. after 6 weeks of virtually not moving my left arm - there is no strength at all. confession: i definitely just did bicep curls with a 5 pound weight. and my arm was shaking. i haven't used it all. not to brush my hair, not to pick up a glass of water - nothing. it hurt so bad to do the littlest things. and i didn't even realize that the strength was gone.

so now here i am. the desire is back. last year i lived for the gym! this morning i ran 3 miles and tonight i worked out for an hour and ran another 2. i'm not bragging - i'm telling you the desire is there. the ability? not so much. baby steps.

which seems to be the theme of my life this week. baby steps. i'm taking baby steps towards a change in my professional life this week,  i took some baby steps in my personal life, i am taking baby steps in getting healthy again, etc.

i know my personality. when i'm in something, i'm in it. this can be one of my greatest attributes...and this can be my biggest fault. i tend to throw everything into what i'm doing. obviously there have been times this has proven beneficial {when i started my weight loss journey} and times when it hasn't {'what happened' if you'll remember that from a previous blog...ha}.

i really believe God has done some things in recent days to protect my heart from doing just that. scotty said at church 2 weeks ago that "God is preparing you for what He has prepared FOR you". i started crying. imagine that. i feel like that's where i am right now. being prepared. and just like conditioning for sports used to hurt so bad in high school, we had to do that before we started practice. and we had to practice before we could play.

i'm being conditioned. physically, emotionally, professionally, relationally, spiritually. it isn't the most fun. but i am clinging to promise of the future - He's prepared something for me. and right now i'm getting ready for it.

so here's to baby steps. letting go of my control issues and my tendency push too much, too hard.

the sweet thing about conditioning is that there's something to look forward to. it's not too long until you get to play.

xx

i get by with a little help from my {friends}

i just got done vacuuming the apartment and as i was putting the vacuum up, i thought "really rachel? even your vacuum is yellow?" everything that i can get in yellow - i do.

this weekend was yellow. why? my friends.

i got to spend quality time with my mom {who is definitely my friend}. i got to go to a concert where my friend was performing and listen to him with my two best friends in the world and their husbands. i got to see sheila {who started as an acquaintance, grew to a business partner of some sort and has graduated to being the savior of my sanity. most definitely a great friend.} i got to hang out saturday afternoon with my sister's best friend libby. last night, i sat by the pool, went to dinner and then went dancing with 4 of my best friends. i woke up today to them still in my house :) and then 2 of my lifelong best friends came over this afternoon.

lots of friends.

i'm a lucky girl. friends to laugh with, friends that pay at happy hour {thanks paul!}, friends that really don't mean to make you cry but hug you when you do {uhhh, thanks paul!}, friends that come over and sit on the couch and stalk facebook with you, friends that don't get mad at you for being dramatic and throwing a ripped up receipt at them, friends that know you don't like hugs but do it anyway when you need one, friends that make you laugh so hard you can't breathe, friends that don't mind sharing a bed with you, another friend, and a dog, friends that.....i could keep going.

like i said, i'm a lucky girl. and can i just pause to say that i realize i mentioned at least 6 best friends above? i have even more. i know that typically 'best' can only be rewarded to one but in terms of friendship, i don't compare my friends to decide which one is best. if you're honest and loving and helpful and supportive and trustworthy and hilarious - you're the best kind of friend so you're my best friend. easy as that.

i haven't always been the best friend. i have moments when i'm not honest, i'm not supportive or helpful. {i'm always hilarious though.} and what makes my friends the best is that they forgive me for it. i need to add that to the list. forgiving. the best quality of all.

they make my life yellow. and in times when things are so dark, they bring me back to who i am. there's a proverb that says 'laughter is to the soul what soap is to the body.' i love that. i also love the fun fact that you can burn like a bajillion calories laughing and while i haven't seen that work yet, i'm still trying to make it.

i focus so often on what i do not have when what i have is immeasurable. i have so much to be grateful for including the people in my life that pick me up when i'm down, laugh at my terrible jokes & won't judge me for wearing the same dress for 36 hours {oops}.

life is so yellow.

oh and by the way, my bright yellow vacuum cleaner is AWESOME. duh.

xx

i'm just kidding {laughs}

i feel like i've been lying to you guys. you wouldn't be able to tell by reading this blog but i'm actually a very light-hearted, funny person. the funny part could be debatable but i think i'm hilarious and so does at least one other person so i'm claiming it.

all of these blog posts are so serious {and rightfully so. life has been beating me up lately.} but i actually spend most of my days laughing hysterically. either at the kids, my friends, or youtube videos that i watch instead of working/sleeping/eating/breathing, etc.

first thing that made me laugh this week:

hi-larious. and i try not to, but man, i just love katy perry. and this song.

second thing that made me laugh this week:

i went to KI last night with joy {my best friend since i was 3 for those of you who don't properly stalk my facebook}. on the way, i told her about going to peru {more about that soon}. she asked if that was in india.

sigh.

on the way home from KI, she said something about me "going all commando and shooting someone." she may have been referring to the arnold movie but i thought she meant something else which caused about 5 minutes of straight laughter. apparently, i can't wear underwear to kill someone. good to know. for future reference, ya know.

third and final thing that made me laugh this week {or at least made the blog list}:

kennedy had been sleeping in the closet for a few weeks which made me sad. i like when he sleeps in the bed with me. he stayed at my parents' while i was out of town last week and ever since he's been in the bed the whole night every night. luckily, the bed is plenty big enough for both of us. apparently last night he decided it wasn't. i woke up at least 5 times to him either sleeping on my stomach, on my face, behind my back on his stomach {which wasn't fun for either of us when i tried to roll over} and at one point, he was on his back between my knees. then it happened. it was 4:28 {i picked up my phone to look so that i could properly document this}. my 21 pound poodle pushed me off the bed. i woke up when i hit the floor. i looked up and he was laying where i had been snoring. bless his heart.

speaking of funny things, did you know God has a sense of humor? He totally does. too many good things are coming from bad decisions. that's what is so good about this life. even when our actions are less than admirable, good can come from it. things can happen that i don't plan. and when they do, i have to admit he's got a funny side. cause like most of my friends have read on texts i've sent them - "i couldn't make this stuff up if i tried."

i hope i never stop saying that.
cause all the funny things help make this life yellow.

ah, wanted to end this blog with that but gus just said "rachel, rachel, rachel, rachel....wipe my butt please."


yellow. <3

now and later {learning}

{there are times it hurts to learn. and there are times it is incredibly exciting. i've experienced both lately.}

i have several boxes of keepsakes. love notes from high school, ticket stubs to concerts, cards from my parents...you know the stuff. in one of my boxes is one single now and later. you know, the candy. i think it's watermelon. and 12 years later, it's hard as a rock. but it's still there.

i got that now and later from a friend {at the time she was my youth pastor's wife. now she's my pastor's wife} as a reminder that the decisions i make now will affect me later. i'm sure when i was 14 years old that she was trying to inspire me not to drink or have sex or any of the other things teenage girls will no doubt regret when they're older. but when i found that now and later the other day, i wasn't thinking of the consequences later of the decisions now, but the benefits.

i have worked jobs, had relationships, made choices, went through uncomfortable times, etc that maybe were fun, maybe weren't. maybe i worked there to make me appreciate the next job. maybe i went through that to make me stronger for this.

i know that i work a million hours a week now so that i can be successful and work less later.
i know that he was in my life now to show me the kind of love that i want later.
i know that i have to pay for this now to make more later.
i know that i have to continue my life change now so that i'm healthy later.
i know that i am in this not-so-fun self-learning time now so that i can be who i'm supposed to be later.

it is easy to see the downside of the now and later analogy. that if you mess this up now, you'll pay for it later. if you don't try this, you'll regret it later. those are much more obvious results. but thinking about the benefits - it's exciting. it's challenging and inspiring to think of the good that will come from what i do now. i don't want to live in fear of what will happen if i do this, if i don't do that. i want to live expecting good to come and make decisions that will bring good about. i am so encouraged today by the promise of what's to come.

keeping with that thought, can i pause for a second to tell you what i'm most grateful for today? that time and time again, i am spared from the imminent destruction of my own plans. i can't tell you how many times things have not gone my way. thank God for that. not that it doesn't hurt when they don't - it does. not that it doesn't take time for me to come to the realization - it definitely does. but without fail, every time i'm able to look back at something not going my way, i am better off for it. his ways are better than mine.

and it is proved to me time and time again, how it is his plan, his will that will make my life the brightest shade of yellow.

love xx

you are my sunshine {love}

two weeks ago was 3 years since i've known my red-heads.

i remember when i met the girls. they hid under their blankets and wouldn't talk to me. i wasn't sure we were going to click. i'm very good with children so i knew that i could get them to warm up, i just didn't know if i would have a connection with them the way i have with other kids i had been with before.

looking back, that just seems ridiculous. they are my joy.

let me start with the adults. all of them are like family to me now. but especially lora, lora, lora. she is me in 30 years. if you've been around us together, you know that this is completely true {and somewhat scary}. just this past friday, we were on a typical rachel/lora adventure with the kids that included a broken down car, stopping traffic for an hour plus, a baby that screamed for...about an hour plus, and a few other things i will not include because believe me, you don't want to know. and we just sat in the front seats of that car and laughed. and laughed. and laughed. so we wouldn't cry. she's my second mom. i can talk to her about anything, she would do anything for me. she gets mad when i'm hurt. she's proud of what i have accomplished. and mainly, she's just about as crazy as i am and we totally deserve each other.

sarah and i are completely different in some ways and creepily similar in others. i was always closer to lora than her {probably because she's normally at work when i'm there. duh. the point of a nanny.}. but when she and the kids suffered their blow, our relationship turned to friendship and i do believe that is one of the blessings that came from the tragedy. now she is one of my best friends. she is also almost as crazy as me and that may be why. :) her friendship means so much to me whether we are eating pizza at reds games or crying on the sofa. she is always there for me and my family whether it's watching hope for jessica, visiting my dad in the hospital, or bringing me 2 dozen roses when i have a broken heart. i am incredibly blessed to know her. she is the strongest person i know.

the twins. oh those girls. if lora is me in 30 years, izzi is me 20 years ago. promise. they are nuts. izzi and i can have a throw down and 2 seconds later, she is telling me i am her favorite person in the world. i actually prefer to spend time with them over most adults. they are the funniest little girls i have ever met. my mom has always said i should keep a book of all of the things izzi says. i could make a million dollars. just two weeks ago when i was laying on the couch, crying my eyes out because of the slipped disc/pinched nerve, maddi was sitting in my nest {when i lay sideways on the couch - the area between my bent knees and the couch - her favorite place} rubbing my leg and telling me it was going to be okay. :) they are my absolute joy. especially during our daily dance parties when they are laughing so hard that they can't breathe. these have been the best 3 years of my life.

and then there's the baby. who really isn't a baby anymore but regardless, i will most likely always call him the baby. i can't really wrap my head around how i can love someone so much who isn't even mine. i am so lucky to have known him every day of his little life, {i would show you our first picture together in the hospital but that was 140 pounds ago and i don't want to scare you.} he is the smartest, bossiest, sweetest little man i know. when he learned how to say my name, i cried. when he first said 'lub you rachel' i cried. when i smashed his little finger in the door {something that he cried about for all of .2 seconds} i cried for about 12 hours until someone finally told me to get a grip. every single day that i've had him, i have sung 'you are my sunshine' to him multiple times but always when i rock him before his nap {and yes, he still lets me}. about a month and a half ago, i started singing "you are..." and he sang "my shunshinnnne" and obviously i burst into tears. :) i am wrapped around his finger, completely in love with his little face, and may or may not fake cry on occasion so i can hear him say, "rachel, rachel, rachel, rachel, rachel........sowwy" cause it's just so cute i can't stand it. when i am broken, he saves me.

so much has happened in the last 3 years, good and bad. but sarah found me for a reason. i called her back for a reason. and i can't begin to explain to you exactly how yellow they have made my life. but i thought i'd try. :)

xx