paul simon > art garfunkel

it asked me to title this something and i had nothing so i went with a random thought inside my head. art garfunkel should be thanking his lucky stars for paul simon and his crazy song writing ability. i don't even know if art is alive though so if he isn't...i apologize for being insensitive. but still. paul simon. love.

it is 9:41pm on thursday. i leave to go out of town at 9am. i haven't packed a thing. i haven't done the 20 things on my professional 'get done before you go' list. i still need to run an errand tonight. but i'm sitting here blogging because there's nothing i love more than unpreparedness. 

i really really do need to pack. but i just wanted to take a minute to tell you a story.

i've always been mouthy. i say what i want, when i want, to whom i want. i think it's one of my most endearing qualities. :)

2 years ago, right around this time, i said some things to someone. some pretty mean things. totally out of anger. i could tell you that since they were out of anger, i didn't mean them at all but that's not really true. i meant a little of it but since i was mad, i was ugly.

one of the things that i said to this person, or more accurately, about this person was that he had "virtually nothing going for him." out of all the things i said, i instantly felt bad for saying that. the thought of someone saying that about me makes me feel pretty low. it was an unfair statement & an inaccurate one.

i didn't see him for a few weeks after that. then one saturday, i saw him by chance and i got to apologize for what i said. he apologized for some things too.

awesome story huh?

well 8 days later, he died.

unexpectedly. 27 years old. died.

and i promise you - after the initial shock, all i could think about for weeks was what i said. there are few things in this world that i am more grateful for than the opportunity i had to apologize. now i know he doesn't care. he's free from the cares of this world, including what a punk girl like me said. but i care. and i carry the weight of that. the weight of my words. frankly, it was a nasty thing to say and it is something i am still ashamed of.

i still fail miserably at this but it really has made me watch my words. watch to make sure the hateful ones are limited and the loving ones plentiful. whether someone is 27 or 97, the chance of never seeing them again is higher than i'd like so i try to make sure they know i love them. and even when i'm angry, i try to not be spiteful. i don't ever want to feel that way again. knowing that without running into him on that saturday, that the last things i said about/to him were hateful. not a good feeling.

our mouths have more power than we'd like to admit. we can use that power to build up or to tear down.

consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark...

insert cliche 'never give up' quote {struggling}

like i said when i first started this blog, it would be a mixture of things - personal and professional.

well today's personal.

if you've been following me at all on facebook (and most of you have, that's how you're reading this), you know about the nearly 15 month long journey i've been on. on the day this weight loss journey hit 1 year, i told you i had lost 114 pounds. 2.5 months later, i've lost 133.

which means i averaged 9.5 pounds the first 12 months and 7.6 a month since.

i know what you're thinking - 7.6 pounds a month is still really good.

and i know i should be happy and i know i should be proud but i'm just really struggling today. mainly because i can only blame my metabolism so much. i feel like i'm more likely to waver from my self-set meal and exercise plans these days where i would rarely have before.

that frustrates me.

it shows complacency and apathy - two things that that rachel from the past was sinking in.

maybe it's just a bad day.
maybe i feel guilty because i don't want to tell you what i just ate for dinner.
maybe it's a plateau.

but i feel like it's in my hands. and i'm dropping the ball.

i will never look at 133 pounds lost and feel like a failure. it's pretty much impossible. but right now, i feel like i'm failing at my ultimate goal - victory over the self-inflicting habits i hid behind for so long.

i'm not in a rush -i've said that before. i would rather lose pounds that don't creep back than ones easy to regain which is why i have never done a fad diet, eliminated a food group altogether, or went about this unnaturally during the process.

i think i'm struggling because this hasn't been a bad day. it's been a bad 2 weeks. 2 weeks of not pushing myself like i should physically (it's like i ran 2 races and all of a sudden, i think i've succeeded and can quit) and not disciplining myself in the kitchen like before. and work has been stressful. isn't that everyone's excuse? :)

just last night, i realized that within walking distance of the apartment i'm moving to in June are 3 of my favorite restaurants. and i actually got scared. who gets scared of food? this girl. cause i'm learning that while for the most part, i did truly leave behind that girl, she still creeps up.

so forgive me if this sounds whiny. i'm not whining, i'm not even complaining. i'm just angry at myself and need a swift kick in the pants. because if anything, i've learned this year that i can do anything. i really can. so i don't have a fear of not completing this journey - i will lose the weight, i will get down to that goal. i just want to make sure that girl is gone.

and today, she's like a very unwelcome houseguest.

oh and by the way, it was pizza. and i already regret it.

mama mia papa pia buy two and the third is free-a {cooking}

that episode of saved by the bell always made me laugh. they were selling screech's grandma's spaghetti sauce. spaghetti is such a comfort food. it's good with a red sauce, a white sauce, butter and parmesan, chili, CINCINNATI chili (duh)...etc.

so you buy wheat spaghetti instead of the other stuff (otherwise known as enriched bleached flour sticks) - that's awesome.

let's do better.

these are the ingredients you'll need: a spaghetti squash, francesco rinaldi no sugar added pasta sauce, a green pepper, roma tomato, some onion and garlic.

I LOVE SPAGHETTI SQUASH.

like i'm obsessed. i make it with all of the sauces mentioned above.

here's how you make it.

1. preheat the oven to 350.

2. put holes all over it so it doesn't explode while it cooks. the holes need to be big enough to actually see through but not too big. i racked my brain the first time i made it and finally decided to use this.

yes, that's my mixer guy. it's perfect.

punch holes sporadically (clueless reference, duh). bake it for 1 hour at 350 degrees.

while it's cooking chop up the tomato and how ever much green pepper you want.

add onion and garlic. (again, your preference of how much.)

i love this sauce. no sugar added and natural ingredients. only problem is this - we've accustomed our taste palettes to what sauce should take like. and that's because most have tons of sugar in them. this tastes okay but not great. hence adding the vegetables. i love chunky sauce anyway but throwing in some tomato, pepper, onion & (especially) garlic is the best way to add flavor without adding stuff you don't need/want.

so add the veggies to the sauce, stir & heat it on the stove.

when an hour has passed, remove the squash carefully and let it sit for 15-20 minutes.

it will still be very hot and i recommend still using oven mitts while handling it.

cut it down the center.

and scoop out the 'gunk' just like you would a pumpkin.

then take a fork and just scrape and the 'spaghetti' will loosen.

keep scraping. you can get so much out of it before getting close to the outside.

see. looks just like spaghetti. and it takes on the taste of whatever you serve it with.

final project. you can even sprinkle some parmesan on it if you'd like.

it's delish. it's healthy. per cup of it you're only eating about 40 calories, no fat, and are getting 3 grams of fiber. you're also saving about 37 carbohydrates if you choose it over enriched spaghetti.

so with this recipe, you're looking at roughly 100 calories, 2 grams of fat and an abundance of fiber from all of the vegetables. not bad eh? and it's delicious.

let the chips fall where they may {cooking}

i love chips.

potato chips, tortilla chips, pita chips, bagel chips, doritos (cause they're in a category of their own that could also be called 'freaking delicious'). i love them.

so i stopped eating normal chips awhile ago and now eat popchips, baked tortilla chips, and whole grain pita chips. good, right?

let's do even better.

first, i will never be able to top popchips so i won't even try. but the other two, i've found a way to make even healthier and consequently more affordable. and best of all, really easy.

homemade pita chips:

this is the pita that i buy - kind of. of all days for whole foods to be out of the whole wheat version, it was today when i was going to make these for you. but these are still good for you. i'll give you the nutrition info when we're done. you'll see.

get out your cookie sheets. you'll be able to fit 2 pitas on each sheet.

i put them different ways so that i can separate them easily after their cooked and i can know the exact nutrition in each serving. (and to keep it portion controlled, duh.)

DO NOT BRUSH THEM WITH OIL OR SALT THEM. 

completely unnecessary. this is where you're benefiting from making them yourself. much less sodium, less fats (even though they can be good fats, sometimes they're not) and less preservatives.

cook them at 350 degrees for 10 minutes if you like them toasted (soft in the middle still) or 15 minutes if you want them more 'chip'-like. you could even do longer if you want them reallllly crunchy.

let them stay on the sheets for 1-2 minutes and then transfer them to a plate to cool. keep the servings separated! let them cool completely before you put them in plastic bags or containers. i learned the hard way - moisture will make them go bad if they're not completely cooled first.

reasons i love these: no oil, no salt. 

here's the stats: first, there are 200 calories in a serving. i know what you're thinking - "my pita chips only have like 130 calories! fail, rachel."

oh young grasshopper, let me show you the error of your thinking. each of these servings of pita chips has 6 grams of fiber and 7 grams of fiber. check that against your bagged chips. TOTALLY worth the extra 70 calories.

i've found my favorite (non-homemade) hummus. 

you can also find this at whole foods. it's my favorite. NO OIL!

now, i'm not anti olive oil or fats. i know where healthy fats can be found and i incorporate them into my diet daily. however, i don't like putting things in where they're not necessary. this hummus is perfect without oil. it's also completely natural with no preservatives.

you can have 6 tbsp of this and a serving of the chips for lunch for 284 calories and make out like a bandit with 9 grams of fiber and 10 grams of protein.

are you sold yet?

homemade tortilla chips:

the exact same process. 350 degrees for 15-19 minutes. NO OIL OR SALT.

i love these. not completely natural/organic but nothing in it that makes me sad. you can find them at kroger. they are also realllllly delish with turkey tacos.

i also make sure i separate these too for portion control.

let these cool completely too. 

i'll be honest. they're not near as delish to eat alone as the pita chips are. but for me, not wanting to munch on tortilla chips senselessly is appealing. :) it was a vice. besides, salsa has SO much flavor, the chip is just a way to not look crazy eating it with a spoon.

the facts:

one serving has 71 calories (that's IT!), 8 grams of protein and (GET THIS!) 12 grams of fiber. 

if you're not sold yet, i have no hope for you.

like i've said before, it's not just about changing the kind of foods you want to eat, it's about making the ones you do want even better for you.

actual reality. act up. fight aids. {give}

anyone who knows me well knows that aids research & prevention along with the hope of a cure is incredibly important to me. i've always told people that i wasn't exactly sure why it's on my heart the way it is. often times, a person who has perhaps lost a mother to breast cancer will walk, donate, and bring awareness to breast cancer. my father battles heart disease and i'm running in the mini-heart here in cincinnati this month in his honor. when something directly affects us, we care enough about it to try to stop it.

i don't know anyone with aids.

but for some reason, i think about them all the time - those here in america & around the world who are suffering from aquired immune deficiency syndrome. my heart breaks for them. i've often called it the underdog disease. it doesn't get as much 'publicity', if you will, than say, cancer. i've never heard someone question the moral decisions of a man with brain cancer. aids is much different. the media has told us what they want us to think about aids and it's sufferers.

they're wrong.

you can learn more about aids here and i urge you to do so.

here's what i'm really writing to tell you about - the little ways we can help. regardless of the disease or cause close to our heart, not all of us have the funds to donate to research facilities, the time to serve the patients, or the abilities to walk or run or march on their behalf.

to all of my winos out there, i found a way we can help.

it's called OneHope Wine

i found them thanks to Groupon. 45 dollars for 100 dollars worth of wine sounded great to me! then i read that partial proceeds went to charity. even better. THEN i read that their merlot (my favorite) went to the fight against aids.

done and done.

now i realize that purchasing one bottle and paying for the shipping might not be as practical as going to the grocery store. but maybe around christmas time when you're giving gifts, or maybe just to stock up every once in awhile, you would consider purchasing your wine here. they have 4 reds and 2 whites and each wine benefits a different cause. the causes represented are aids, autism, the planet, breast cancer, the troops, and children's hospitals. in addition to that, a portion of the proceeds that is donated is donated to another cause of your choice.

out of my 45 dollars, 12 dollars went to the fight against aids and 8 dollars went to keep a child alive, which provides treatment for the youth in africa affected by aids.

and all i had to do was buy some wine.

you are what you eat {kitchen musts and must nots}

i honestly couldn't tell you how many times in the last almost 13 months people have asked me what i eat and what i don't. i tell them what i eat on a regular basis and leave out the nights out with my friends when i occasionally have fried, ranch-covered, processed, cheese filled foods.

for instance, what i ate last night at the super bowl party i went to. when you're not used to eating that kind of food, i can't tell you how absolutely awful i felt today. that's why it's once in awhile, that's why i go running the next day, and that's why these are the things i always have and the things i will never have on a normal day. i figured today was probably a good day to blog about my healthy choices. it's like repentance for ALL the dips i ate last night. :)

absolutely necessary: fruits and vegetables. and lots of them. a few months ago, i started having my produce delivered from green b.e.a.n. delivery and i'm in LOVE. i get to pick what i want and how much of it and (included in the price) i have organic produce delivered to my back porch bi-weekly (you can choose weekly too). even if you're shopping at the grocery for your produce, buy a lot of ORGANIC fruits and veggies this week. it will only take one week of throwing away a lot of veggies (and your hard-earned cash) before you can make one of two choices : don't buy any next week (fail) or actually eat it.

speaking of veggies, my next must have:

do yourself a favor and buy a spaghetti squash this week. i'm going to put up a how-to and recipe that i've been addicted to lately using these little guys. say goodbye to pasta. this low-cal, no fat vegetable will rock your world.

i eat a lot of the following too:

i eat a ton of beans. kidney, pinto and black mostly. great source of fiber and really easy to make delicious.

egg whites! ask my sister, i eat an omelette every day. i'm obsessed.

whole wheat bread. read the labels! a lot of whole wheat breads still have high fructose corn syrup in it. gross. natural, high fiber bread. delish.

this goes in my daily omelette along with tomatoes and spinach. i like feta on practically everything really though. i'm a cheese girl at heart.

hummus is probably what i eat the most of on a regular basis. be careful with your hummus (along with everything else that's packaged) as some of them have sunflower oil instead of olive oil and other added garbage. making your own hummus is pretty easy and you can be creative with it too. my best friend made some yesterday that was pretty delish. she made her own chips to eat with it too but that's cause she's a show off. :)

i'm in love. no fat, decent calories and sugar, and so much protein. it's a post-workout must have.

i've gone through quite a few peanut butters this year and have found quite a few that i like. this one takes the prize. it has flax seed, flax oil, egg whites, and wheat germ mixed into it giving you omega 3's that you don't get from other nut butters. and it's SO good. and the same price as the you're-basically-serving-your-kids-sugar varieties.

lastly, i have to have to have to have york peppermint patties. cause everyone needs a little sugar, a little treat and these are mine. dark chocolate (yum) and mint make the little ones a great treat for 50 calories and keep my sanity intact on hard days. :)

and my "better not be in my kitchen"s:

i do not eat pork or beef. i have no real nutrition qualms with beef except for the fact that it's not a great choice for heart patients and heart disease runs in my family. plus there are alternatives that are healthier and just as delicious. pork, on the other hand, i have major issues with. i won't go into it on here but if you're interested in knowing why pork will never be served in my house, i don't mind telling you. hopefully, it will make you never look at a piece of bacon with lust again.

high fructose corn syrup is the devil. i think it's cute that they came out with commercials trying to justify it and when that didn't work, they started calling it corn sugar. everyone knows - it's just awful. and unfortunately, it really is in everything. read your labels people!

cheese product. seriously? that's not cheese. stop giving it to your kids.

i could put a ton of picture up of every processed, fake food that's on sale for 67 cents at walmart this week but i won't. you know what they are. stop eating them.

i could also put  up a ton of pictures of the other foods i eat but i'll just sum it up quickly: choose the better option and there's always a better option. instead of fruity cheerios (PACKED with corn products), i eat kashi cereals. instead of greasy lays, i buy popchips. instead of soda, i drink water. i buy whole wheat instead of products made with enriched bleached flour (which is exactly what is is called: it's stripped of it's nutrition and then they try to put some back in & and it's literally bleached. sounds yummy, doesn't it?) and most importantly, instead of affordable and accessible, i eat organic and natural. the way i see it, you pay more now for organic or you pay later for your processed, imitation 6 for a dollar dinners.

so there we go. that's what i eat and what i don't (or at least a snippet). i know it was long but if you stuck it out and read it all, don't be overwhelmed. it's not as hard or expensive as it sounds. eat at home. be conscious of what you're putting into your body and your child's. drink a lot of water. experiment with recipes. don't rid yourself of what you enjoy - just find a better version. and there is ALWAYS a better version.

xx

i whip my hair back and forth {give}

i made a decision.

and i'm not telling you about it so you can say 'OMG, rachel is a saint." i'm telling you so that in 5 months, i can't pretend i never said i'd do it.

i'm giving my hair to locks of love in the summer. (www.locksoflove.org)

deep breath.

okay, how do i say this without sounding conceited? i can't. i have hair that would be considered...uh, baller status. it's just good hair. in fact, when i tell jessica (my incredible hair stylist at mitchell's tri county) that we're cutting it off, she's going to kill me. sure, monday - friday my hair is pushed back with a headband and piled on the back of my head. and unfortunately, it finds it's way into a ponytail most weekends too. but if i actually take the time to do it, you'd probably say, "self, rachel has great hair."

my heart is racing even now just saying i'm giving it away. i'm waiting until summer because the minimum is 10 inches and that would give me a buzz cut right about now. i know it might sound silly, but the thought of cutting off my hair makes me feel like i'm losing a part of what makes me me (insert cheesy dramatic music). i know it's ridiculous.

i even thought to myself, just give something else away. but for some reason, i can't stop thinking about giving away my hair. so i researched it a little.

locks of love gives free hairpieces to individuals under the age of 21 who have lost their hair due to medical issues including lopecia areata, burns, cancer treatments, and skin disorders. in other terms, my hair would become a wig for a sick child.

that term sick child could make me give my left arm.

i have a soft spot for children. most people do, i realize that. but for me, it's just a little different. i spend most of my days with children that are not mine. maddi and izzi are two of my best friends and they're 6. i miss hope after i haven't seen her for a few hours. and my mornings with gus pretty much get me through the week.

and so i thought about people like me. people who are fortunate enough to have a child be so important in their lives, and i thought about that child battling an illness.

and i realized that the least i can do is give them my hair.

xx